Night Bus Weirdos

It's not much of a consolation for having to leave in the first place, but the bus home from Tooting Bec has now taken on a 'second highlight of the day' role.

Stood hanging on whichever way I could, whilst the driver - the same lunatic from the other night equipped with a bobble hat and a sense of adventure - drove at paranoia speed down Tooting Bec Road, I thought this one would pass without anything to report. I only notice the people that are either happy or sad at around midnight on the bus. A couple were hanging onto the rail, kissing. Another couple were not.

A cropped lady in hoop earrings and with a tattoo on her arm was growling at a man sat playing with his mobile phone. She looked drunk and unhappy. He looked like he didn’t care. It’s sad. Some men just don’t know when to say sorry regardless and be grateful for what they have.

The driver liked to accelerate early and brake late. It’s why I sat down after nearly falling over as we moved at speed around and between parked cars. Sitting down was a mistake though.

A guy with a can of Carlsberg stood up to get off. He was pissed and trying to manoeuvre a can of lager and his bag towards the door. As the bus braked he was too caught up in the spirit of booze to realise his heightened sense of wellbeing was no match for a sudden stop. At first he grabbed, then he lunged, and then fell arse first along he gangway. His lunge was partly successful, taking my glasses with him as he went aft.

He apologised and made it to the door whilst I went looking for glasses. I expected a tangled mess, but I spent money on these, and the debt Gods were feeling merciful tonight. No two-year battle in the small claims court to replace a pair of broken specs for me.

But I still like these adventures. If I have to make the trip then it may as well have some kind of story to it. I walked in the middle of the street at the other end, the last leg to my house. A stumpy man was walking slowly along Pinfold Road trying to open car doors. Then he stopped and sat down on a garden wall. A town can have too many weirdo’s. You just can’t avoid them all.