Probably heart burn...

I’ve broken the last taboo of living in the house I’m in. It’s happened before in previous flats. Now it’s happened here. I’m leaning out of the window to smoke. Should my flat mates find out I could be put through one of those righteous talks about letting people down. Really, I just feel like a cigarette and it’s too dark and scary to go downstairs.

I do need to quit. Crap, have I said that before? I do. I mean it. For various reasons, a couple of which are really important. Second on the list is ‘health’. Kurt Vonnegut says he wants to sue the tobacco firms for lying on the packets and not killing him. He’s in his 80s and feels let down. I know what he means. But I’m quite happy being alive right now, so health has become a viable prompt to give up this terrible habit.

I also have chest trouble, no doubt brought on by the nicotine and the caffeined lifestyle I lead. A battery of tests will be run tomorrow on blood and beats. I’m not worried about a catastrophic collapse, just a warning that the fags are speeding up this whole death thing.

But as usual for now it’s falling out the window that poses the biggest threat. And also the question of whether I should smoke before the test later to calm down?